2007/01/25
Torment vs Happiness Happiness hasn't been a popular theme in my life these past few years. With the thought of litigation, to the hearings, trickling down to the sentence... and now looming prison time, I feel as though I tapped out when it comes to emotional self-monitoring. Problems with friends, problems with family, and problems of my own volition have brought me to a place that isn't who I want to be. Of course I never thought I would be waiting for the day to come where I have to report to prison... nor did I ever think that I would be anywhere near this situation... but unfortunately the Great Design for my life has brought me to where I am.
-I have done a lot of terrible things in my life. Things that I try so tremendously hard to forget. And it always leads me down to one thought... maybe I deserve all this. Not justice, per sae... but maybe with all of the things I have done in my life, and my view on the world, maybe this is 'just'. Maybe this is punishment for being who I am. The ones who know me best might agree, and then might not. But I can't help but think that I am being punished for all the bad things in my life. Things that can't be changed... nor resolved.
-I don't concede to defeat easily, and this is no different. My stubbornness towards reality prevents me from being anything but a pure cynic.
-All that is left for me is to prepare to go to battle. Five months in a strange place, with strange people, hours from my home.... maybe it will show me what reality really is, when I have everything stripped from me. It's January 25, 2007, and I will not go willingly into the dark, I will shine strong in the midst of torment and hate. And I am not alone. // sk0t @ 4:06 AM :: Comments [4] :: Digg This ::