sk0t.com

2006/09/25
*Introspection*

I have had quite some time to sit and think of who I am as a person, and who I am as a man... both of which are not necessarily mutually exclusive. Since May of last year I have been living in a downward spiral of emotional and spiritual loss. Some days it is so long that an end isn't a plausible though, and others it seems that the end is coming too soon. Onto a topic that you all want to know about, but wont ask: PRISON. I have come to terms with the fact that I am going to spend time in prison. I am going to be locked up, away from my family and very few friends, and I am going have to spend time having every second of my life managed by people who couldn't care less whether I am rehabilitated of ravaged. To some, it would be a death sentence, because the possibility of incarceration is incoherent because the plausibility of a situation of that magnitude would never occur. But to me, this is reality. I deal with the fact that sometime in the next few months I will be sitting in a prison cell wondering how fast the outside world is moving without me... wondering what my family is doing, wondering how I am going to come out of this a better man... and if that is even possible. No one can understand the toll that takes on a man... You people cant grasp the feeling of helplessness that plagues me. I like to think that I take everything in stride, and that Gods plan is unwavering... and I wont question Gods reasons... but I don't have to understand it.

I would like to try and get a hold of everyone before I am sentenced. So please get a hold of me.

// sk0t @ 4:18 AM :: Comments [2] :: Digg This ::

2006/09/20
**UPDATE**

There isn't much news to report to you as of this point in time... Thanks to everyone who supports me in this most trying time... and I will continue to post regularly until they day comes when I can no longer post (you all know why)... I am doing ok mentally, I am a strong minded individual with a good grasp on reality, and I know that things can only get better... and it is always darkest before the storm... (to give you as many cliches as possible)... things will be OK for me... and if you all pray and believe that too, it will happen...

Do not be afraid to IM me, (despite what my AWAY message might say, that is only directed at a few certain 'friends' of mine)...

Take care.

// sk0t @ 2:56 AM :: Comments [1] :: Digg This ::

2006/09/17
Comprehension

I know that a lot of you have formed an opinion after reading the news article and if you are good, some of the other articles floating around the net... I will say to most of you that you DO NOT fully understand the situation after reading the article... even after searching through the various internet feeds and blogs and other articles posted about me, the magnitude of the situation will be lost during media and other translations... for the ones that do fully grasp what is going on... I thank you for understanding... there are a lot of things that everyone can't understand about what is going on...

Basically, unless you have talked to me directly, or know someone who talks to me directly, keep your comments and thoughts to yourself until you fully understand what is going on...

// sk0t @ 4:31 AM :: Comments [0] :: Digg This ::

2006/09/10
Untitled

"Do you feel like a man
when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found."
---The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

// sk0t @ 4:44 AM :: Comments [0] :: Digg This ::

2006/09/07
Entitlement

You know, as humans, we are all entitled to the opportunity to not be alone. By nature, by design, we are expected to hunt out companionship to alleviate our ever living solitude. But when does that innate action really benefit us as humans... does procreation validate our hunt for meaning and our yearn to not die alone? Does communication between species legitimize the fact that we don't want to experience life without an accomplice? It seems to be throughout my observations of life (and being complete cynic), that searching for a partner is scant in comparison to how you react with that partner. The desire to not be alone is far outshadowed by lust... Lust seems to feed a never dying hunger within our species. Sex, (not for the benefit of populating our race) is ruining us a society. From children having children, to the lack of intimacy between spouses... sex, or the lack of sex, is drowning us. It doesn't have to quintessential-factor in the existence of our race... we aren't defined by the intimate actions of our inner core. We are defined by how we choose to act on them... So this cycles back around to my original thought, do we NOT want to be alone because we don't want to die alone, or do we just want someone to be just as miserable as we are?

// sk0t @ 3:52 AM :: Comments [0] :: Digg This ::

2006/09/01
Does it ever end?

Another week off is down in the dust... tonight I have to return to work my dismal 3rd shift job (maybe I will clean my car out during work). I am not really looking forward to it... but what can you do... gotta get paid. I didnt get my last paycheck cause I forgot to turn my timesheet in, so that means that next Friday I will be getting a double check (which is fantastic)...

Anyways, I am out. More to come later.
It is what it is...

// sk0t @ 6:51 PM :: Comments [0] :: Digg This ::